Here’s a little secret about me.  Like Grace Jones, I am a slave to the rhythm.  If a song has one of four sounds, no matter who it is or how cheesy it is, I will love it.  And those sounds are:

1) Horns, Trumpets or any other Brassy Funkiness.
It’s the only reason I like songs by Gwen Stefani.
Evidence: Girls Aloud “The Promise”

2) Disco Laser “Pew Pews.”
Evidence: Róisín Murphy “You Know Me Better”

3) Electro-bot Echo Voice.
Evidence: Kylie Minogue “Magnetic Electric”

4) Stardusties.
Yep. I’m serious, if a song starts out with (or has as
their transition from bridge to chorus) a stardust glitter effect,
I’m hooked.
Evidence: Mariah Carey “Honey” (I told you it didn’t matter who it was)

There. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.
Now we can move on.

Kylie released the video to her single “The One” today.  There’s a lot to like about the video, like the retro inspired backgrounds, Kylie’s new Veronica Lake look, the Busby Berkeley-ness about the whole thing.  And of course the Freemason’s put together a synth backdrop that is pretty awesome.  But, at the end of the day, it feels like it is missing something.

Or maybe we’ve just seen it all before?  Is it not the gayest version of “Seven Nation Army” by The White Stripes you’ve ever seen?